Surgery Scheduled!

After being given a bit of a run-around on Monday afternoon, I am so glad to finally have nailed down a surgery date.  My surgery is scheduled for January 24th at 1:45 PM.  On Monday afternoon I was first told that there was a possibility my surgery wouldn’t be until the end of March… so then I put my tears to good use and cried on the phone with several individuals until I was told that the surgical coordinator would work with me to get me scheduled as soon as possible.  Finally Tuesday morning I was given a date and time.  It is such a relief to know that we are getting this taken care of soon and that after that we can move on with our lives and try again.  I guess in this case being a squeaky wheel paid off!

Now that my HCG levels have dropped significantly, my body seems to be responding to the decrease and has started doing what it’s supposed to do (aka shedding the endometrium on the good side of my uterus, which is rather unpleasant since it’s had 10+ weeks to build up).  My follow-up appointment with the MFMs yesterday showed that the gestational sac in the horn is starting to decrease in size, and is sort of collapsing in on itself since it’s now somewhat irregularly shaped.  But the embryo is still very clearly there, still the size of an 8-week embryo, which was emotionally difficult to see.  The Ultrasound Tech offered to turn off the monitor, but my own morbid curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to see what the doctors were seeing and understand what they were talking about.

I feel so very lucky that my mom is retired and financially well off enough that she is able to come help us out while I have my surgery.  She will arrive next Sunday, the 22nd and will stay with us for a week.  That way she can stay at home with Julia while Ken takes me to Baltimore for the surgery, and then my mom can help get Julia to and from school while I’m home resting and recuperating after my operation, and Ken can still focus on the studying he needs to do for his Boards.  In the evenings while I’m still recovering, one of them can take care of me and one of them can take care of Julia.

Before then though, we still have this weekend to plan… I’ve planned a date night for the two of us for Friday night… we are going to a little Italian restaurant in Harrisburg called Mangia Qui (which I’m excited to try since their menu looks awesome!) and then we are going to go see Hidden Figures.  Saturday Julia has soccer during the day, and I’m hoping we can find a time either Saturday afternoon or Sunday to go back to the Farm Show to check out some of the things we may have missed and maybe to get one more milkshake or possibly some fried mozzarella cubes, or potato donuts!  Monday Julia is off from school for MLK Day so I’ll have to plan something fun for the two of us to do with a day off from school and work.  I’ll see if I can make it a fun adventure-filled day since I won’t be able to have one of those with Julia for a little while after my surgery.

That’s all for now… I’m sure I’ll have another update before my surgery!

Just keeping ourselves busy!

This weekend was a very busy one but was a lot of fun!  We’ve been trying to keep ourselves busy and distracted so we keep our minds off of what is going on.  Friday night we had a family date night in with Shabbat dinner and a movie night (we showed Julia The Princess Bride since she is now willing to sit through non-animated movies)!

Saturday we had Julia’s first indoor Soccer Shots class, which was a lot of fun.  The coach was great–he’s very energetic, keeps the kids engaged, and Julia did pretty well listening and having fun. She’s very competitive (gee, I wonder where she gets that from?) so when the other team scored a goal and her team didn’t, she got very upset, but I tried to remind her that it’s about having fun and doing your best and that’s all that matters.  Hopefully she’ll keep that in mind throughout the season.

After soccer, Julia’s friend Jonah from her old school came over with his Daddy and the four of us went to the Pennsylvania Farm Show!  Luckily the “Farm Show Complex” is only about a 5-minute drive from our house because this event is like the event of the year here in Central Pennsylvania.  The event takes up the entire huge complex, and there are so many neat things to see… on Saturday we only saw about a quarter of what there was to see, so Ken and I went back on Sunday with Julia to see the parts that we missed.  There’s a big food court with unique items such as milkshakes, potato donuts, fried mozzarella cheese cubes, and burgers that are made out of 70% beef and 30% mushrooms.  There’s a big area focused on farming and agriculture, where we got to see some baby pigs, chicks hatching from their eggs, and some 3-month old calves.  There’s also a ton of vendors showing off all kinds of farming equipment and farming techniques.  In a separate area there are arts and crafts demonstrations (Julia got to watch some spinning, weaving, a pottery wheel, etc.), baking and cooking demonstrations, and the traditional county fair-type prizes for best apple pie, best chocolate cake, best quilt, best hand-sewn item, etc.  Overall the farm show was a lot of fun and certainly a uniquely Pennsylvania event, so I’m very glad we went!

Saturday night we also took Julia to a Hershey Bears Hockey game!  She did surprisingly well given that it was a 7 pm game, but when we finally got home she was totally exhausted and a little bit of a mess (she also woke up WAAAAAAAYYY too early Sunday morning, so we ended up needing a 3-hour nap in the morning on Sunday).  We went with another family with their 3 kids (and the friend of one of the kids), so Julia had a lot of fun playing with them while us parents watched the game and chatted.  We had a really nice time and hope to get together with them again soon!

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This morning I heard back from the doctor about my most recent HCG test result.  Luckily my numbers are dropping very quickly.  Last week it was still up to 119,472 but this week it’s down to just 18,000 which is a nice big drop!  Theoretically as my body starts to see it come down closer and closer to 0, the “good” side of my uterus should catch on and should start cramping and bleeding so my body can start cycling again and going back to normal.  I’m still waiting to hear from the surgeon’s coordinator about scheduling my procedure and I’m hoping it can be soon.  When I spoke with them last week it sounded like it could probably happen toward the end of the month.  This week I go back to Hopkins on Wednesday, where they’ll be checking the size of the gestational sac to make sure it’s continuing to get smaller and to see if my body is starting to reabsorb things.  I was talking to a new friend of mine over the weekend, who had 4 pregnancy losses and she totally understood what I meant when I said that our loss last year was much more shocking and emotionally difficult to process, mostly because it was our first one but that this one was less of a shock because it sort of felt like a continuation of our loss from last year, or like a cruel joke from the universe that since we handled our loss last year so well we could of course deal with another one in such quick succession.  I sort of feel like I’m ready to just put it behind us by having the surgery and moving on with our lives.  I don’t really want to wait to start “trying” since I’ve heard your fertility is greatly increased in the few months immediately following a pregnancy loss so it’s possible that I could get pregnant fairly quickly again this time around.  It’s crazy to think that when I get pregnant again, this will be my 4th pregnancy.  Hopefully this next one will be a bit more successful than the last two!

Wait and see… wait and see…

Yesterday was another difficult day for us for this pregnancy loss… we drove down to Hopkins yesterday afternoon for a follow-up with the doctors who performed the procedure on Friday.  They wanted to check the size of the gestational sac and make sure that things were progressing as they expected them to.  We were also expecting to meet with the Minimally Invasive Gynecologic Surgeon to get some of our questions answered.  Unfortunately her daughter fell on the playground so she had to go pick her up and we weren’t able to meet with her but we are expecting a call from her sometime today to hopefully answer some of our questions.

The good news is that the Doctor saw exactly what she wanted to see: no signs of fetal cardiac activity (that’s never something I imagined I would be happy about, but I suppose in this case that’s a good thing?) and the size of the gestational sac does not appear to have grown.  The bad news is that now we are in a wait and see pattern… we have to wait and see if my HCG level starts to come down in response to the methotrexate and if the size of the gestational sac starts to decrease.  If my HCG levels don’t start to come down, that could be a sign that I need a second dose of methotrexate.  So for now, I have another blood test scheduled for tomorrow and then I’ll need weekly blood tests for the foreseeable future (feels like we’re watching last year on repeat). I have another follow-up scheduled in 2 weeks for a repeat ultrasound to check on the size of the gestational sac.  I think they’re hoping to start seeing the size going down and to start seeing some of the tissue/fluid being reabsorbed by my body.  Until then I just have to deal with still feeling pregnant (sore boobs, 1st trimester exhaustion, hunger every 2 hours, occasional queasiness/dizziness, and occasional cramping) while knowing that I’m not really pregnant anymore.  It’s a weird state to be in.

I’m hopeful that the surgeon can answer some of our questions today and that her answers are what we want to hear… but for now we will just wait and see.  Wait and see.

My Village & A Thank you to the Pumpkin Patch!

Today I was working from home while my Mommy took Julia out to a science museum.  I wasn’t expecting anyone, but the doorbell rang… a flower delivery man was there with a beautiful pink, purple and orange flower arrangement and a little gift bag.  I had no idea who they were from since I hadn’t received a message from anyone that I should expect anything… but when I opened up the card that came with the flowers, it said it was from The Patch!

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A few tears welled up in my eyes.  I am blown away by the generosity of this amazing village of women who rally to support one another through difficult times.  I shared what I went through last week with them and had no idea they were planning on sending me anything, especially since it’s right around the holidays and people are busy visiting family and friends for Christmas and New Years.  It’s a stressful time of year already but it was so amazing that they rallied to support me through this sadness that Ken and I are going through.  In addition to the flowers, they also sent a beautiful figurine of a woman holding a bouquet of flowers.  It’s beautiful and so meaningful to me that they thought to send these to me.  Last but not least, they sent me a gift card to a local day spa so that I can get a little bit of pampering for myself to get myself through this.  I’m thinking I’ll treat myself to a massage and a facial a little closer to the time I’m having my surgery just to make myself feel better about this whole awful situation.

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I feel so lucky to have found myself in such a wonderful group of moms from all over the US (and Canada!) and I cannot begin to thank them enough.  They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I don’t know how I could do it without my virtual village.

Thank you to the Pumpkin Patch!  With love from me, Ken & Julia!

A weird in-between state

In many ways our loss this month is very different than the loss we experienced last year.  First: last year’s loss was the first time we were faced with that kind of sadness and devastation, so in some ways this one seems like less of a shock (it’s as though the world is playing a cruel trick on us).  Second: last year all we had was an empty gestational sac that had to come out one way or another whereas this year we had a healthy little embryo with a healthy little heartbeat.  Third: last year the physical loss was significantly more traumatic than what I’ve gone through so far because I had to have 2 D&Cs with weekly HCG tests for 3 months afterwards, and I had bleeding and cramping for the entire time between the first D&C and the second one.  This time, I had the injection on Friday and since then have had nothing but minor cramping for the first day or two.

Right now I feel as though I’m in this very weird in-between stage between being pregnant and not being pregnant.  My body still thinks I’m 2 months pregnant.  The doctors anticipated that between Friday (when we got the methotrexate injection) and today, my HCG levels would rise, which means my body still thinks it’s preparing to house an embryo for the next 7 months. I’m still experiencing some of the physical signs of pregnancy: sore and tender breasts, hunger every 2 hours, occasional light-headedness/queasiness.  But I know that on Friday the doctors injected the sac with methotrexate to terminate the pregnancy and I know that whatever is still inside of me needs to be reabsorbed or come out somehow.  Physically nothing is happening at the moment: I’m not bleeding or cramping, so it feels like once again, my body is failing me and doesn’t know what to do.  My body thinks I’m pregnant but my mind knows I’m not, and that’s a weird place to be.

I’m hoping that on Wednesday we’ll be able to see what size the gestational sac is and we’ll have a better understanding of when we can expect things to happen, when my body will start to expel this pregnancy, when my HCG levels will come down, when we can expect to schedule the surgery to remove the horn, and then when we can try again (if we decide that’s what we want).  We want to have the surgery done as soon as possible, but we also need to make sure we have some additional help at home around the time the surgery is scheduled.  My mom has a trip planned to Harrisburg for mid-February, and Ken’s parents are  planning to come for his birthday weekend.  If we can schedule it around their trips, that would be ideal since they’re already planning to be here and we could have help from my mom and then from Ken’s parents, but if waiting until their trips are scheduled means delaying the whole process more than necessary we might just see if we can get some help from local friends and family (cousins, friends in Baltimore who might be able to help out a bit, etc.)

One of the weirdest parts of this pregnancy loss is that we are in such a small group of people who have experienced this specific type of loss such that there is so little information out there about what we can expect.  I didn’t have a normal ectopic pregnancy so people who had normal ectopics can’t really tell me what to expect.  Last year at least I had a lot of friends who had undergone D&C’s and they could tell me what to expect.  Nobody we know has experienced this so we don’t really know what we’re facing in terms of my numbers dropping or the physical symptoms I am likely to endure in the next few weeks.  So we feel very alone in this experience and unsure of what the future may bring.

Our Yesterday

Yesterday morning Ken and I woke up bright and early (really we couldn’t sleep much after about 3 AM because of nerves and fear) and drove down to the Johns Hopkins Hospital for our 8:15 AM appointment at the Center for Fetal Therapy.  The Ultrasound Tech called us back and did a very comprehensive hour-long ultrasound to see the baby, the heartbeat, where the baby was located and to try to get a sense of my weird and crazy anatomy.  She was amazing–talking to us throughout the whole exam, explaining to us what she was looking for, what she thought she was seeing, what she wasn’t seeing, what her impressions were, etc.  She picked up on our cues… when we were feeling sad, she had the appropriate tone of seriousness and when we were cracking jokes to lighten the mood, she did the same thing with us.  When she was done, the two doctors who started the practice came in to talk to us and do a little bit more imaging.  They were both incredible.  They had the best bedside manner of any doctors I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.  They explained things to us the whole time, gave us their thoughts and opinions, fully talked through things with us, and really gave us a complete understanding of what was going on.

Specifically what was going on was somewhat of a mystery to them because even as the world-renowned experts in Maternal and Fetal Medicine at one of the best hospitals in the country (I think it switches places between #1 and #2 along with Brigham & Women’s, the Mayo Clinic and UCSF), they had never seen what I presented to them: pregnancy in the non-communicating rudimentary horn of a unicornuate uterus.  Aside from the location of the pregnancy, everything looked normal: they were seeing a normal and healthy looking embryo right on track for 8 weeks, with a beautiful heartbeat of 160 beats per minute.  This presentation is so rare that in a quick literature review online we were only able to find about 15 cases of this ever happening… only 2 or 3 of them had positive outcomes and the rest had negative outcomes, resulting either in late pregnancy loss or even in maternal death.  So after talking to the doctors for a while, they presented us with our options: continue into essentially uncharted territory with a very high risk pregnancy which could theoretically continue as late as 36 weeks but would also have the potential to rupture anytime after 10-12 weeks and could threaten my life or at least threaten the loss of my entire uterus… or terminate the pregnancy with an injection of methotrexate directly into the gestational sac, followed by a surgical resection of the rudimentary horn, which would leave the other part of my uterus intact in the event that we decide we want to attempt pregnancy again.

Before we arrived at Hopkins, we didn’t think we would ever have this choice.  We thought it was too risky and they would tell us our only real option was to terminate the pregnancy.  Having the choice made me a little bit hopeful but also made the whole situation a whole lot more difficult emotionally.  They let us stay in the room for over an hour… we called Ken’s dad and called our dear friends Rabbi Uri and Dahlia to seek their spiritual counseling.  Ultimately, the doctors came back in to speak to us and we made the decision that we are not willing to take the risk and the chance of uterine rupture and potentially losing the option to have any future pregnancies.  They took a blood sample and sent us out for lunch.

Our friends Michael (who did his residency at Hopkins and happened to be at the Hospital yesterday) and Pete (who happened to be nearby) came to join us for lunch, which was a nice distraction while we waited for the doctors to call us back. Once they got the medication from the pharmacy, they called us to come back up to the clinic.  Luckily the procedure itself did not take very long and was not particularly painful or uncomfortable for me.  The whole thing took about 20 minutes from start to finish, and they then sent us on our way.  As far as follow-up is concerned, I will have to have a couple of HCG checks similar to last year to make sure my HCG is dropping appropriately.  I will go get blood tests on Tuesday and Friday this week, and then I imagine we will need to make sure it gets all the way down to 0.  On Wednesday we need to be back at Hopkins for a repeat ultrasound to make sure that the size of the gestational sac is getting smaller.  We are also going to meet with a minimally invasive gynecologic surgeon to talk about resection of the rudimentary horn to make sure this never happens again.  The MFMs were not entirely certain about the timing of that surgery but they said that most likely it could happen once the size of the gestational sac has plateaued, which I imagine will take about 6-8 weeks.

So physically, this pregnancy loss is mostly behind us at this point.  There is still some bleeding and cramping in my future while my uterus sheds its lining, but aside from that the physical pain is over with.  The procedure was fairly painless and right now I’m not experiencing much more than minor cramping. But the emotional aspect is still very present.  We both feel very sad about what we just had to endure.  This loss was very different than the one we experienced last year.  Last year all we had was an empty gestational sac with no embryo, no heartbeat.  This time we had a healthy embryo with a beautiful heartbeat.  The only problem this time was the location of implantation.  Last year there wasn’t really a choice to be made: there was unhealthy placental tissue that needed to come out one way or another and my body hadn’t decided to expel it on its own yet but there wasn’t the heartbreak of seeing a healthy little embryo. Last year’s loss was more of a shock in some ways because we had never experienced a loss and had a perfectly healthy and easy pregnancy with Julia so we never expected it to happen.  After the heartbreak of last year this loss seemed less shocking but more heartbreaking and devastating because of the presence of a normal and healthy looking pregnancy in every way except for the location.  This loss also felt more emotionally distressing because of the potential that things could continue normally.  Even though I feel confident that we made the right choice (seeing article after article about ruptured uteruses in cases like this), I will always wonder “what if?”  What if the Doctor was right and this pregnancy could have continued to 36 weeks?  What if we could have had a healthy baby at the end of a difficult pregnancy?  What if my weird horn was the exception and could have stretched to accommodate a baby? Could we be holding a miracle baby in our arms 6 months from now?  We’ll never know now.

So right now the emotional pain is still very palpable.  I keep feeling waves of sadness wash over me as I think about what we just had to do and think about “what if?” and “why us?” It just doesn’t seem fair.

But now we have to keep on keeping on… we have to move on with our lives and put this behind us and try to get past the heartbreak.  We have to get through work and school, we have to get through day by day and eventually we’ll have to get through my surgery in a few weeks.  After that we’ll have to face the difficult decision of whether we want to try again.  I still feel that my desire to have another baby outweighs the fear I have about experiencing another pregnancy loss but I think after one more I might feel differently.  But we will have to see when we have healed emotionally from this loss and when we feel like we’re ready to face the fear and uncertainty again.

For now I feel very grateful that we have our little miracle baby Julia (knowing now how difficult it can be to get and stay pregnant, I feel even more grateful that we had no difficulty getting pregnant with her and that I had an uneventful pregnancy and brought a beautiful and healthy baby girl into this world).  I also feel very thankful for all the love and support we have received from our friends and family all over the country and even the world.  We have received beautiful messages from friends we hadn’t heard from in years sending us their love and thoughts.  I also feel very grateful that my mom was able to come from California to be here with us.  Going through this by ourselves would be very happy.  Her being her gives us the space to be sad together or alone while she can help out with Julia.

And for now I want to wish everyone a Happy Hanukkah, a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year!  2016 was a very difficult year for us in many ways and I hope 2017 brings with it much more joy and happiness.

Another Nightmare

I should be posting a happy update after my appointment yesterday but instead I am here to write about a nightmare that Ken and I have to live through yet again. We arrived at my appointment yesterday to meet the OB here in Harrisburg.  He went over my records, we talked for a little bit and then he did the ultrasound. He found the beautiful little embryo, measuring right on track at 7 weeks 2 days, with a nice strong heartbeat that we listened to and took a video of: 156 beats per minute. Then, because of my complicated anatomy, he started looking around to figure out exactly where the baby is located.  I’ve written before about my complicated anatomy: I have a left unicornuate uterus with what we had always been told was a “non-communicating rudimentary horn” on the right side.  We had always been told it would be impossible for me to get pregnant on that side, which was a good thing because that side would be unable to sustain a pregnancy.  It’s too little, not stretchy enough, and isn’t connected to the birth canal so would make birth (or even a C-Section for that matter) quite complicated.  So the doctor looked around a bit and was pretty sure he was seeing this pregnancy in that right-sided horn.  He wasn’t entirely certain though, and there was still some doubt in his voice about whether his orientation was off or whether things had been put back funny after my C-section such that right was now left.  He printed some pictures of the pretty little bean, and said he’d see us back in 2 weeks and we’d figure out at that time what is going on.

Everyone loves being told to “wait and see,” especially two Type A professionals like me and Ken… so we immediately decided we didn’t like that approach and we called the father of Julia’s babysitter, who happens to be an MFM doctor.  He was working in his Columbia, Maryland office yesterday, but said he’d be happy to see us without a referral, to do some additional imaging.  So we left and drove down to Columbia.  He pretty quickly confirmed exactly what we didn’t want to hear: this pregnancy is located in the rudimentary horn of my unicornuate uterus and his recommendation was to terminate the pregnancy.  He said there’s a small chance that this pregnancy could make it in my horn, but chances are we are putting my life at risk because there’s a very strong possibility that my uterus could rupture.  In that case, I would need an emergency hysterectomy.

He called the OB to give them an update, then called the MFM in Harrisburg to find out if they could handle my case.  What I have going on is so rare and bizarre that they didn’t quite know how to handle it, so they said to call the doctors at Hopkins.  I would never go to Hopkins for routine medical care but when you have something weird and strange going on, Hopkins is a great resource to have close by.

So tomorrow morning at 8:15 AM, Ken and I will be heading down to the Johns Hopkins Center for Fetal Therapy to meet with a world-renowned MFM.  They will do their own ultrasound to find out what we are dealing with, and will counsel us on steps to take moving forward.  Most likely their recommendation will be to do a “direct injection” into the gestational sac.  This injection would stop the baby’s heart.  After that, depending on exactly what the anatomy in there is like, my body would either expel the “products of conception” or they would become calcified or re-absorbed by my body.  At some point we will also likely be speaking to a Reproductive Endocrinologist about the possibility of removing the rudimentary horn and/or tying off the tube on that side to make sure that no future pregnancy could ever happen on that side.

Right now I still feel somewhat in shock and disbelief.  It’s so hard to reconcile the fact that we saw a beautiful and strong heartbeat with the fact that we will be terminating this pregnancy tomorrow. It’s so hard to believe this is all happening again, exactly a year after my partial molar pregnancy.  It’s hard to believe I’ll have to go through weeks or possibly months of follow-up again to make sure my body is doing what it’s supposed to do and properly expelling the pregnancy.  It’s hard to believe that yet again we have to put off our plans to have another baby.  We wanted this baby so badly and here we are again, having that dream taken away from us.  I don’t know if we can go through this pain and heartbreak again and right now I don’t know if it’s worth it to have another baby.  Julia is such an amazing little girl and it’s a miracle that she’s here and healthy.  Maybe we should just be grateful to have her and we should stop trying all together.  Obviously we are not in a place to even talk or think about trying again but I know that having this dream taken from us twice hurts more than anything has ever hurt before.  My heart feels broken and my eyes feel like they have run out of tears.  I know that we have to be strong for Julia but it so hard to stay strong when on the inside I feel like I’m being torn apart.

7-week update

Today, Poppyseed 2.0 and I have made it to 7 weeks.  This week I’m really looking forward to my appointment on Wednesday morning with the new practice I’ll be seeing in Harrisburg.  I’m excited that Ken is able to join me for this one and I’m really hoping the doctor will do an Ultrasound so Ken can see the little nugget and hopefully hear (or at least see) the heartbeat.

After last week’s appointment, and seeing the heartbeat, I am feeling much more relaxed about this pregnancy but it’s still easy to feel nervous not knowing what’s going on in there.  I remember feeling this way with Julia too, at least until I could feel her kicking and moving around.  Until you get that daily assurance that everything is okay, it’s easy to wonder.  Luckily this time, my symptoms are much stronger than they were even with Julia or especially with the miscarriage.  I have been having on-and-off queasiness for the last week and a half.  It’s pretty much a daily thing that I need to lie down on the couch for a few minutes every morning shortly after getting up and starting the day.  It’s gotten to the point that Julia expects me to lie down on the couch at some point in the morning.  My stomach feels in a constant state of not knowing whether I’m queasy because I just ate something or whether I’m queasy because I need to eat something but either way I just feel a little bit off pretty much constantly.

I’m also feeling absolutely exhausted, all the time.  Friday night I went to sleep around 8:30, and I didn’t get up until after 7 and yet I still felt exhausted most of the day on Saturday.  Then Sunday afternoon I took a 2.5-hour nap while Julia watched a movie, and yet I still got into bed and fell asleep about 2 seconds after my head hit the pillow.

There’s also the bloating, occasional cramping, and very sore boobs that all make it impossible for me to forget that I’m pregnant.

I’ve heard that for second pregnancies you start showing a lot earlier, and that you can feel movement a lot earlier, so I’m hoping those prove true with me and excited to find out when those things happen.  I went back to look through my pregnancy photos from when I was pregnant with Julia and I think I didn’t really start to show until close to 17/18 weeks, so if the rumor proves true then I should theoretically start showing closer to 13/14 weeks this time around (I’ve heard it’s about a month earlier the second time).  I’m still in all my regular clothes but am definitely looking forward to the day when I can put on maternity jeans without feeling weird about it since I remember those as being as comfy as pajamas or leggings!  I’m also looking forward to the end of February, when I will be getting a Maternity Stitch Fix box!  I can’t wait to see what fun items they find and pick out for me.

On that note… I’m going to get going but I’m sure I’ll post an update Wednesday after our appointment!  Keep growing, Poppyseed 2.0!

Week 6 Update

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See that?

That’s a beautiful gestational sac with a yolk sac and a lovely little heartbeat!

That’s right… we aren’t out of the woods yet, but I made it to my 6-week appointment with my old OB practice and the doctor saw exactly what he wanted to see.  I was measuring right on track for 6 weeks gestation.  He liked the size of the sac and he loved the little flicker of a heartbeat that he saw.  He warned me before the ultrasound that this early it’s often hard to see anything and he said if that was the case he would have me come back in a week to re-check things, but he saw exactly what he wanted to see and said I didn’t need to come back for 4 weeks.

I immediately let out a huge sigh of relief and felt a million times better knowing I can relax (at least a little) for now, knowing that things are where they’re supposed to be and look the way they’re supposed to look for this point in my pregnancy.

I texted the picture to our parents, all of whom let out a collective sigh of relief as well.  And even Ken (who is a worry-wart like his mother!) said we need to celebrate at least a little tonight, knowing we have a little Sweet Pea growing with a little heart of his or her own.

Next question: how and when to tell the rest of the family?

5 week update

According to the “What to Expect” app, Poppyseed 3.0 (third time’s a charm, they say!) is the size of an Orange Seed.  Today I am 5 weeks pregnant, with 35 weeks to go.  My first appointment is scheduled for one week from today.  Sadly, Ken won’t be able to join me but luckily I have lined up a friend who can accompany me so I won’t have to be all alone at the doctor’s office, waiting anxiously to find out how things look in there. And in the event that things don’t look good, I’ll have a friend there to comfort me.

I continue to feel hopeful that everything is going to be okay.  I’ve continued to have very sore boobs as well as mild cramping that comes and goes throughout the day.  I also find myself getting hungry approximately every 2 hours but because I can’t eat much at any given time, I end up having a few small snacks throughout the day.  I’ve found myself getting a little sick to my stomach first thing in the morning until I eat something, and I’ve been absolutely exhausted.  Over the weekend I took a nice long nap on Saturday afternoon while Julia watched a movie, and I still managed to go to sleep by about 9 PM.  I have told a few more friends since last week, just because it happened to come up in conversation, but for the most part we are keeping this quiet until we know things look good.  Aside from parents, we haven’t told any other family, and aside from a few friends each, we are keeping things under wraps.

For now, that’s all the update I have… hopefully next week I’ll have good news to share. Maybe even a beautiful ultrasound picture of a gestational sac and yolk sac!