Google

Google is really funny sometimes because when you’re doing a search and you start typing, Google will fill in the rest of what it thinks you’re typing and you can see what some of the most searched terms or phrases are on Google.  It seems like people look up pregnancy symptoms all the time because if you start to type in “symptoms” one of the very first things to pop up is, “symptoms of pregnancy.”  It also seems as though every symptom you can think of (increased appetite, decreased appetite, increased urination, decreased urination, being exhausted and sleeping a lot, not being able to sleep, etc. etc.) is a “symptom” of pregnancy.  The fact that so many of these seem to be opposites really tells you that each woman experiences pregnancy very differently and that each pregnancy can be very different.

Today I am technically 5 weeks and 2 days into my pregnancy, so the little embryo is now the size of an appleseed.  Luckily our first appointment is only 5 days from now so at that point we can hopefully have many of our questions answered.  So far I don’t feel that much different than I did before I was pregnant.  The only symptoms I am having is sore breasts and some cramping here and there which seems to come and go.  It’ll be strong for a day, mild for a day, and then disappear for a few days.  Today it’s strong, but it doesn’t really feel like menstrual cramps, it feels more like my uterus is waking up for the day and stretching its arms.

As far as questions to ask the doctor… my real question is, “Am I really pregnant?” and “How likely is it that everything is going to be okay?”  I know that the first question is a kind of silly one since I’ve taken 5 pregnancy tests already, but I think I won’t really feel that it’s real until I see something or hear something or feel differently.  The second question is not one that anyone can answer.  The doctor can look to see where the embryo has implanted, where the placenta is attached, how my cervix is doing, etc.  She can check the heartbeat, check my hormone levels, and monitor me really closely but the fact of the matter is that nature is going to do what nature does best.  I think I have resigned myself to the phrase that my mother-in-law uses frequently, which is a Yiddish word, “Beshert,” meaning “what’s meant to be is meant to be.”  If this pregnancy is meant to be, then it will continue and I will be healthy and the baby will be healthy and 35 weeks (+/-) from now, we will come home with a healthy and happy baby.  If it’s not meant to be, then we will mourn and then move on with our lives.  The reassuring thing in all of this is that we know I can get pregnant.  We know that Ken’s tubes work and we know that my tubes work, so even if this isn’t when it’s meant to be, we at least know it’s possible and that we’re both fertile.  I’m sure that once I am there with the doctor and she examines me, I will think of more questions to ask, but for now I really just want to know that there’s a healthy little embryo inside of me that’s doing what it’s supposed to be doing, is growing how it’s supposed to grow and is progressing as expected.  I’ve read on various message boards that most people are able to see a heartbeat by 6 weeks so I’m hoping we will be lucky enough to see one but I also have been warned not to be disappointed if we don’t see one, because sometimes it doesn’t show up visibly until 7/8 weeks into a pregnancy.

I’m also feeling very hopeful that Ken will be able to join my for this appointment.  On Monday he is starting his Emergency Medicine rotation, and he is scheduled to have orientation Monday morning starting at 9 AM.  My appointment is at 11 AM, so he just emailed the rotation coordinator to find out how late orientation will go.  Luckily, he has lots of medical student friends so if, for any reason, he is not able to come with me, we have two alternate med students lined up to come with me.  I feel that they will be able to be Ken’s eyes and ears and they will (hopefully) think of the questions that Ken would want answered.  Hopefully it won’t come to that and he will be there with me but just in case, we do have two of them who are “on call,” so to speak.

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