I’ve been thinking lately about some of the things that have been getting to me lately that people say, and also about some of the deep dark secrets that I’ve been holding onto regarding pregnancy, so here, in no particular order, and intertwined, is my list of Pregnancy Confessions and Things you should NEVER say to a pregnant woman:
1) NEVER say “You’re getting close now!” In response to this, I want to say something along the lines of, “Thank you Captain Obvious!” or “No S*** Sherlock!”
2) NEVER tell a pregnant woman that her belly is either really big or really small… it will make her question whether the baby is too big and maybe she has gestational diabetes and won’t be able to birth a 10 lb. baby or it will make her think that the baby is too small and is going to have intra-uterine growth restriction and won’t be able to breathe on his/her own.
3) Don’t ask a pregnant woman how she’s feeling unless you are actually prepared for her to answer your question truthfully and honestly and you also must be prepared for her to start crying.
4) Confession: I have an irrational fear every time I go to the bathroom that my water is going to break, so even when I’m at work, I bring my phone with me to the bathroom every time just in case I need to call for help from the bathroom.
5) Confession: I hate it when people tell me that my lack of sleep is just my body’s way of preparing me for when the baby gets here. If my body really wanted to prepare me for when the baby gets here, then my body would let me sleep as long as I want to every night so that I’m well rested and relaxed when the baby gets here.
6) Confession: Every time I start feeling crampy or feel like my belly is getting tight and hard, I pull up the Contraction Timer on my phone just in case but I’m really afraid of actually going into labor.
7) Confession: During pregnancy, I’ve eaten deli meat, sushi, soft cheeses, and I’ve had caffeinated beverages. And you know what… I don’t care!
8) This one is for Husbands of pregnant ladies: If your pregnant wife tells you she wants you to go to an appointment with her, or wants you to help her make some decision that she feels is important, even if you couldn’t care less, pretend it’s one of the most important decisions of your life, and just suck it up and go with her.
9) Confession: I’m not too scared of having a C-Section… I’m not too scared of the first few days in the hospital or recovery… and I’m not even that scared of the first 3 weeks at home with the baby since I know my mom will be there with us to help us, but the thought of being home by myself with the baby after my mom leaves is terrifying.
10) I’ve woken up in the middle of the night several nights in a row now because of baby-related nightmares having to do with nursing, poopy diapers, drowning the baby in the bathtub accidentally, or leaving the baby in the car. This makes me scared I’m going to be an unfit mother.